boobies and lost children...

So.. had kinda a weird weird vivid dream last night.. it had to do with me being pregnant.. an d breast feeding and lost children.

It started off i was huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugely pregnant. i was chilling in my chair when a baby was brought to me. i was told it was mine. and since i was breast feeding my children... i breast fed this child of mine. Turns out it wasn't my child though. it was a friends child but the friend had disappeared.

yeah i woke up at that point. making no sense! none!

fell back asleep.. found a child in a park. child was screaming it's head off... no one around. no note attached to it. Took the wee bebe out. it was a black haired lil cutie with huge blue eyes. called the police. Child services was full up. i offered to take the courses needed to be foster parent.. and zoom through 2 months worth of courses.. witht his wee bebe in my rms (was maybe 4 months when found her.... Breast fed her the entire time. she turned into this silly pretty baby and was sitting up and babbling away at 6 months old.

Parents never found and i woke up after that point. i wonder if this is what this child within me will look like? With my first daughter i dreamed of this flaxen haired child all the time, with big blue eyes. sometimes it was boy, sometimes it was girl. this one has always been girl that i dreamed about. and always very "fey" looking. slightly pointed chin, cute lil full cheeks, and big big blue eyes with black hair. whispy curls. who knows? we will see in october what she looks like.

Dreams are silly...

I've been having alotof Trapped dreams lately. either being pinned by something, or caught in a physical trap. so many and so intense that it has carried over the feeling into my daily life at times.

I am also currently 6 months pregnant with our second child. and i have a job, but need another. no one wants a 6 month pregnant woman working there. too many liabilities. knowing she WILL leave in 3 months or less. it totally blows. hence the trapped feelings.

i will love this baby. it will be loved like my first child is.

just makes it more fustrating that a act of love like my boyfriend does, makes me want to fight my way out from underneath him. either because i am pressed against a wall as he kisses me, or i feel his body touching mine and knowing there is only one way out of it. it just makes it extremely fustrating.

i know they will pass, a nd i will have this job to come back to when i am able after this baby. and possibly get a second one to stay caught up on the bills. but the first little while will be difficult, as this one is a november baby. and a month after that, is the end of christmas season, when it is the HARDEST to find a job. since so many people are being let go at that time. january is difficult.

So you can see why dreams of being trapped are coming up alot more lately.

the latest one was being a human in a cage with my daughters. (i have no idea if this one is a boy or a girl) but they were int here, it was 6 ft high, and 10 ft long by 8 ft wide. let out only long enough to do my job and put right back into the cage. my daughters were kept there, so i would come back. not a pretty dream at all. hopefully they will get better soon.