every little moment

i can not seem to shut my brain off lately.

even sleeping, i have so many moments of my day running through my head. all of them.

running things over that i have done....

but all in the world of minecraft.

seriously. doing mundane tasks, but seeing it as minecrasfting like world. is hilarious. right down to changing diapers. which is more hilarious.

babies and Crawling

i had this dream the other night. S army crawled up on me. S is only 2 months old. and she was determined to crawl up on my in a hyper fast way. Woke up to J being on top of me, in my face saying " mama.. i need to sleep here" J is almost 3 years old. scared the crap out of me.

also had another dream of S super fast army crawling from a kitchen into a living room infested with kittens of every size. from hamster sized to lion sized. but all normal house cats in various stages of kitten hood. from 4 weeks old to 3 months old.

i wonder what the heck is up with that?

bottles...

had a dream last night. rather strange. i haven't had time for updating lately as with the new baby finally here, haven't dreamed much.

i wonder what dreaming of pumping off breastmilk into tons and tons and tons of bottles means? like i filled my desk and the floor around my desk with bottles and bottles of milk. oh this state of mind i have right now.

boobies and lost children...

So.. had kinda a weird weird vivid dream last night.. it had to do with me being pregnant.. an d breast feeding and lost children.

It started off i was huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugely pregnant. i was chilling in my chair when a baby was brought to me. i was told it was mine. and since i was breast feeding my children... i breast fed this child of mine. Turns out it wasn't my child though. it was a friends child but the friend had disappeared.

yeah i woke up at that point. making no sense! none!

fell back asleep.. found a child in a park. child was screaming it's head off... no one around. no note attached to it. Took the wee bebe out. it was a black haired lil cutie with huge blue eyes. called the police. Child services was full up. i offered to take the courses needed to be foster parent.. and zoom through 2 months worth of courses.. witht his wee bebe in my rms (was maybe 4 months when found her.... Breast fed her the entire time. she turned into this silly pretty baby and was sitting up and babbling away at 6 months old.

Parents never found and i woke up after that point. i wonder if this is what this child within me will look like? With my first daughter i dreamed of this flaxen haired child all the time, with big blue eyes. sometimes it was boy, sometimes it was girl. this one has always been girl that i dreamed about. and always very "fey" looking. slightly pointed chin, cute lil full cheeks, and big big blue eyes with black hair. whispy curls. who knows? we will see in october what she looks like.

Moon Dreams

had this dream about this huge long explanation about how earth had 2 moons and they smashed into each other. which is why the moon no longer rotates. and one side is smooth and the other side is full of jagged mountains and awesome looking landscapes.


which turned into a dream about how the moon was moving 1 km closer to the earth every year. it's orbit was sloooowwwlllyyy decaying and in just a few years would be close enough to cause major havoc on this planet.

we surmounted this huuuge expidition that led us tot he moon and discovering because of our previous exploits on the moon, we had bumped it out of it's delicate orbit. they were contemplating blowing the entire moon up. which the entire earth was against.

so it came to be that we ended up colonizing the moon on the jagged side to balance the moon out and put it back into a proper orbit. which was the whole problem. the moon was too heavy on one side and had a hard time balancing out the weight in a proper way.

i could not live on the moon, i got space sick. like severely space sick. but i became a photographer capturing the different exploits down on earth of building the colony in pieces and them trying to decide if they should make it a stepping point to colonizing mars or not. and they had to figure out how to make oxygen.

which was done with setting up huuuuuge domes on the side with light with trees in them, it took a few years to figure out the right trees to use. Birch because the right tree. tamarack for the srpuce trees and variety.

it was kinda a crazy dream. i never dream in scifi.. usually fantasy. was a nice change of pace.

Dreams are silly...

I've been having alotof Trapped dreams lately. either being pinned by something, or caught in a physical trap. so many and so intense that it has carried over the feeling into my daily life at times.

I am also currently 6 months pregnant with our second child. and i have a job, but need another. no one wants a 6 month pregnant woman working there. too many liabilities. knowing she WILL leave in 3 months or less. it totally blows. hence the trapped feelings.

i will love this baby. it will be loved like my first child is.

just makes it more fustrating that a act of love like my boyfriend does, makes me want to fight my way out from underneath him. either because i am pressed against a wall as he kisses me, or i feel his body touching mine and knowing there is only one way out of it. it just makes it extremely fustrating.

i know they will pass, a nd i will have this job to come back to when i am able after this baby. and possibly get a second one to stay caught up on the bills. but the first little while will be difficult, as this one is a november baby. and a month after that, is the end of christmas season, when it is the HARDEST to find a job. since so many people are being let go at that time. january is difficult.

So you can see why dreams of being trapped are coming up alot more lately.

the latest one was being a human in a cage with my daughters. (i have no idea if this one is a boy or a girl) but they were int here, it was 6 ft high, and 10 ft long by 8 ft wide. let out only long enough to do my job and put right back into the cage. my daughters were kept there, so i would come back. not a pretty dream at all. hopefully they will get better soon.

Dream, Night of august 1st, 2011

i dreamed last night.....

Dreamed of a friend's kid last night.

she is very disabled. but i did not dream she was disabled.

i dreamed she was a lost princess, lost in a land of tangled up bushes that kept her held in a thorny fortress for years. she just doesn't know how to get out. and everything is all locked up inside that thorny fortress, so only sounds get out now and again. and smiles.

Started off, was trying to visit her house with her mom and dad. but the nurse was there instead. she was fat and slobbish trying to eat a piece of cake. she said the girl was fine,a nd no visitors right now. her mom was sleeping. i thought this was rather odd, as i had just talked to the mom.

she refused me entry again, so i packed up and went home. i got a call from her mom saying that the girl was no where to be found! someone had taken her! i told her about the nurse. she says the nurse was not suppose to be there at that time! the Nurse had taken The Girl!

the Nurse was actually a evil witch in disguise. she disliked children getting too much love. said it made them weak and feeble minded. they needed to grow up strong and be able to support their parents!

We went looking for the girl, following the slobbish trail left by the witch. it ended up leading into a dark forest full of thorns. and the thorns were visibly growing and closing the path off. no way would we make it down the path in time!

We decided that we would go seek out some help from a witch in a near by town. the witch said the path would open again in 7 years. she would have to wait till then. there was nothing she knew of that would stop the thorns, not event he evil witch could leave till then. she did offer to put us into a stasis field to wait the 7 years. we declined!

the Mom went home to clean up her house.

I waited in the village and learned something. i don't know what.

Whent he path became open again, we went down it. it was open for a period of one month. should be plenty of time. after a week we could not find her! we heard noises that sounded like the Girl. we just could not find where they came from! another week passed, we found a tunnel leading to another part of the thorny forest.; we followed it, and found there a massive castle like structure. in bits and pieces we found the Girl. she was doing things her mom had never seen her do! running, jumping, playing with 5 different puppies, laughing, and being the happy girl she always knew she could be. there were servants there for her, and she was speaking to them. the noises we heard? was her laughing and trying to say she loved her mom.

the Evil witch wasn't as evil as we though.. just slobbish in nature with good intentions. just the wrong way of going about it.

After this point i woke up. very confused as to why i would dream this. and figured i would tell her mom later.

So this post is dedicated to them. i'm not naming names, because it is not my place too. it is kinda weird. never dreamed about other people's kids before. or a disabled kid getting to do things they could not do in real life.